Momma's Boy

III. What A Wonderful World

I figure these reads will often be heavy, leaning on sad. That’s the point of this wavelength though and so I surely can’t shy away from it. But it hit me just now that I need to share the happy moments throughout this as well, even the ones in passing…

Things have been tracking rather well for mom over the past month. Physically she is crushing! She looks so normal walking around the house now that my 7 year-old son commented (as only the mouth of babes can do) “Bibi is back and herself again” just the other day. Knowing this puzzle has put itself back together in my son’s mind was one of the biggest wins yet. “She sure is, son” I said back warmly. The innocense of childhood is worth fighting to preserve. Mentally it ebbs and flows. I mean, overall the trajectory is wonderful. You gotta remember I was at utter bottom. Twice I thought she was gone. Multiple times I’ve grappled with what little we may ever get back. From those moments of darkness, she is shining! But of course there is the sad sides of the coin too, but we’ll talk about them some other time. Looking back, I had gotten a bit too comfortable with this sense of normalcy. Yes, she is at the house and can greet us at the door or go to the bathroom herself. Yes, this sight is splendid! But let us not forgot where we have come and the mountains that lie ahead. I was shooken back to reality on this with an evening phone call…

“Dad” at about 7pm which usually means he’s calling for a reason. I was still at work. He told me moms had been complaining of a headache all day, seemed more confused than normal, and this had her quite scared. She’s napping and he doesn’t have any reason to think it’s something serious, but I might want to come say hello and give her a hug on the way home. My father doesn’t like to sound alarms, so his squeaks typically mean bullhorn. Fuck! I shut down my lawyer-stuff and zoomed over to their house. On the way, I popped into Publix to buy my mom some flowers. She actually doesn’t really do flowers. They’re cut and they die. You have to take care of them and she doesn’t have a greenthumb. But in ICE back in November, a flower delivery lit her up! So I decided I’d burst her with those colors again. Publix had a BOGO on roses. Bingo! I popped in and she was on the couch and, yeah, she just looked sad, man. she looked really old to me at that moment. Painfully so. It reminded me of a line someone shared that is so heavy it knocked me over. I mean this literally; I fell to the ground and sobbed like a baby upon really grappling with what it means. I’m going to write a whole essay around it later in this series. At that moment on Tuesday evening, I was looking at it in physical form. I went home sad AF. I wrote this post right after I walked out the door…

I tell my old man that I can’t make it the next day because of Children’s Mass, but to plan on me Thursday morning for Coffee With Mom. I’ll be there by 8:30. I drop my kids off today and do a routine I was doing almost every M-F a month or so ago. I drive through Mickie D’s and get two Egg McMuffin meals, both with coffee. My dad hates coffee but my mom drinks it like kegs! This gives her two cups and my old man a morning off from making morning food or beverage. I pull up in the driveway at 8:28 this morning and as I’m stepping out of my car I hear my nickname. The one only my mom calls me. Man, I haven’t that in way too long! Definitely not pouring out of their front door. These are the little things I was so dreading to have lost. “Momma!!” I say with all the excitement in the world. “I promised you I’d come today. I’m the best Door Dash service in town!” I joke as I come up with my tray of goodies. Walked inside to have Coffee with Mom again, at her place. :)

What I really wanted to share with those of you who have ridden on this intimate ride with me thus far is that she was so incredibly happy! My dad said she had been sitting at the window all morning waiting for me. wipes eyes so he can see the keys I hugged her and started talking and she kind urgently pointed to something. Took a sec, but, the coffee! I’m sure she loved the pleasantries, but she wanted her damn coffee! Lol we walked over to the cabinet and picked out a mug. I filled it up, she pounded it, I filled it up again. I got to talk with my dad for a few as we were all in the kitchen. Naturally, we steered over to current events and politics and I was pretty certain my mom was following along. I think there’s a lot more going on behind the curtains than she can get out. She’s trying again though, which is a great sign! Longer sentences often break, but the more she uses that tool the stronger it’ll get. This is the hope and the mountain we now climb.

My dad happened to comment about my last Momma’s Boy essay and how my grammar sucks. Rofl told me I’ll lose audience if I can’t even use “me” and “I” right. I schooled him on one of America’s greatest writers who didn’t give a cot damn about the boarishness of his prose. Swaggered on into the The Atlantic with a belly full of piss and vinegar and told them all to GFY! Changed American history, I said. “Yeah, but you’re no Mark Twain.” hahaha what a great exchange. So on my way out, I whisper into my mom’s ear “You know what they told Twain, Mom? That his language wasn’t fine enough for those buttoned-up northeasterners. History rhymes.” She laughed, then looked at me in the eyes with those big beaming beautiful blue ones of hers and a smile that stretched her face and said “I love you”. That smile! Man, I could bottle it up. It was so genuine, so happy, so present. This is my role now. Not to fret about what we might have lost, but to be a lion and leader who helps us all appreciate what we have. These are the moments in life that shape and define us. It was wonderful to see her in such bliss. The highs and the lows over 48hrs there were nuts! This chapter of life has been so heavy.

If you’re wondering about the title of this piece, read the one below. I wrote it in the Beforetimes.

I just remembered that I took a picture of this very bag of McMuffins and tray of coffees this morning. I forget why; I was going to post some random thought on X during my stream of them. Little did I know how much happiness that was about to bring to us all. Very cool! Now it is my cover art. ;-)